My Story
I created this site because a long distance friend stopped contact with me, and was obviously influenced by the Way in doing so. He was kind, funny, friendly, intelligent, handsome, deep, spiritual, and talented. He played guitar beautifully and wrote songs. However, under this was a lot of sadness: his mother didn't accept his birth, abandoned him at age 3 and he saw her on and off until a decade ago (he wanted to find her again and said "I'm waiting for a sign from God about it"), his father died when he was a child, his uncle and aunt died, and a second uncle passed away shortly before we started talking. He wanted to be a professional musician but was burned by the industry, and by a couple loves.
We goofed around, laughed, swore, planned adventures and trips, and he showed me a beautiful song he wrote for his guitar. Both creative people, we couldn't wait to make a little movie together and see the beautiful cities of Italy together. A writer like you cannot die before seeing Rome, he told me.
He was kind and sensitive, but had abandonment issues, and was heavily against divorce, a stance he attributed to his life's history, but which I highly suspect was planted there by the cult. He smiled and told me you never realize how helpless you are until you start "walking" with the Way. He once related a story to me about how he and a priest friend in the Way got a married couple back together (husband was irresponsible), causing my friend to break down crying in joy as he drove away from their home. The couple had even left the community for a few weeks, he said in sadness. How terrible... He attributed the fact when he and the priest got lost and were therefore lucky to catch the wife when she came home for five minutes, to a miracle.
He also had a few odd beliefs, like that TV and Internet could be influenced by the Devil, that loving a romantic partner meant putting God between you and them, and that you can never love your partner 100%. He also believed he was not to decide his own life and should trust God's judgement. He wanted to start his own family someday. I suspected even then this was because of his own lack of family growing up, which is always an unhealthy reason to start your own. I figured he was just strongly religious because of his sad life, and I thought it would be wonderful to go on an NC Way hike with him he invited me. His spirituality attracted me. He was very kind, altruistic and self deprecating. Humility, I figured. I thought finding his mother or resolving family issues would tone down the over-religiosity, and I would have a great friend with a healthy spiritual outlook on life.
We wanted badly to meet, and we were starting to fall in love. I agreed with a lot of what he said about spiritual and life matters, and I loved his carefree adventurous attitude. He was worried about missing me to death, being long distance, but was very enthusiastic to see me. We planned romantic adventures and excursions, and told each other we loved each other. But one day he stopped talking. There was no explanation; he just stopped talking to me one day. He didn't sound like a player or cad, and was always open and honest, discussed anything I asked. He'd never hurt others to help himself. So what happened?
We have never even gotten to meet. I have never even touched him. Even worse, I am now under the suspicion he is in an arranged or Way-influenced marriage, which occurred less than a year after we stopped speaking, at which time he was fully single. [A YouTube user who is in the Way said it encourages marriage less than a year after dating, to avoid temptation of "sin."]
Even though he told me he was afraid to love long distance, he stopped talking about this fear after a little while and I felt there was something else I wasn't aware of that made him stop, especially in such an abrupt manner, with no explanation.
Now I know: he was afraid to love long distance because he was afraid to love someone who couldn't join the group with him. But at least he could have continued our close friendship? No. I was likely a bad influence because I disagreed with some of his religious views and wasn't part of the group. Also, I would be made an "idol", since he loved me (being in love is a big no-no, according to ex-members). I live far away and would put a strain on weekly NC meetings. The day I stopped receiving messages from him was Saturday, the day of their main weekly mass, where someone may have turned him against me. (Will someone explain to me why a Christian group has mass on Saturday and not Sunday?)
Not only did I lose a friend and chance to be with someone I loved, I also had to reschedule a (now) $6,000 trip, since he would not be there to receive me at DaVinci airport, drive me to his place, and host me. I had to stay in hotels and maneuver my way around a foreign country whose language I did not speak well and, ironically, had initially "met" my friend on a language learning site to study! Although I loved traveling alone, since I'm the type to view travel partners as a "ball and chain" on my ankle, there was acute loneliness when I went to bed at night, knowing I lost someone special, a warm voice to say goodnight to me.
I visited a new city each week- Rome, Vatican City, Pescara, Sulmona, L'Aquila, Assisi, San Marino- food, wine, music, museums, old churches, tombs, shops. But I always thought of him, and if I could meet him and find out what happened.
Before my trip, I had already decided to try to find him after having fun by myself. I didn't want to contact him online, because he would ignore me again. Why keep banging on the same door? It would be best to put him on the back burner for a few months then find him in person. It would be more earnest and more likely to reach him emotionally. And he couldn't ignore me. I looked and looked. I couldn't find him. He wasn't listed in the phone book. I couldn't find his number. (Perhaps the Way was keeping him private). We had talked by Skype, not phone, and he was going to meet me in Rome, so I didn't learn his address or number.
I never found him. But sitting on my hotel bed with my laptop, I did find two things: I found out the Way was dangerous, and I found forgiveness for my friend before I went home to be with my family for Christmas. All this time I've been afraid to email him, to push him away further, afraid if his online profile disappears I will never be able to contact him again and will lose him forever. No address, phone, or way to contact his local Neocats; they are not online. I have to help him somehow, to free him.
As you see, the Way ruins lives. It ruined my friendship, and ruined my friend's life. It ruined a possible love between us, and caused him to enter a hasty loveless Neocat "marriage" with someone he dated for less than a year, perhaps only a month!
I suspect it has done some good things in his life; however, he already sounds like he was a deep, intelligent, and spiritual person before joining. And good deeds do not erase the bad deeds. The Way has repeatedly been accused of making members drop contact with those it deems a bad influence, and is repeatedly accused of hastily marrying them off so they don't live in sin or neglect their duty to bear new members for the Way. Both these seem to be factors in my friend's story. Now I can only pray I can help him out of the false "marriage" and the cult-like practices of the Neocatechumenal Way.
Will the Way mandate my friend give up his precious guitar, because it might become an "idol"? Will it try to pump three or four children out of him, at a time in his life when he's not ready for that? Will it keep him attached to this person he probably does not love, and keep him from his real friends on the outside? Will it force him to passively wait for "signs from God" about his mother, and keep him from her until it's too late and she dies? Will it drive him to suicide after he undergoes various scrutinies and tests? If I try to contact him again will it mandate he ignore me again? Will I be able to survive that pain?
I pray to God everyday my friend exits this group and everything it forced him into, and that he can one day experience true spirituality, retaining contact with the Way if he chooses, but not its evil practices. Most of all I want the fire in his soul, the fire I fell in love with, not to die out forever.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
I expect Neocat apologists to bombard me with messages accusing me of exaggerating the Way's influence to make sense of my friend leaving me, like how ancient tribes invented stories of demons to explain weather. Or they may claim that I'm "only against the Way because" it made my friend leave me. "Only." Isn't breakup of friends/lovers good reason to oppose it? Even if it didn't make him ignore me, it didn't stop him. Don't tell me it can convince you to have 11 kids but can't make you keep contact with a loved one, or at least make you kindly explain why you are leaving.
Apologists may claim, "You say we arrange marriages since you don't like the fact he rejected you." I know what genuine love is. You discourage it between people you allow to "marry." My sweet friend told me "put God between you and partner"; he felt love for me, and thought he "sinned."
Please stop tearing my life apart. Haven't you done enough?
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
I created this site because a long distance friend stopped contact with me, and was obviously influenced by the Way in doing so. He was kind, funny, friendly, intelligent, handsome, deep, spiritual, and talented. He played guitar beautifully and wrote songs. However, under this was a lot of sadness: his mother didn't accept his birth, abandoned him at age 3 and he saw her on and off until a decade ago (he wanted to find her again and said "I'm waiting for a sign from God about it"), his father died when he was a child, his uncle and aunt died, and a second uncle passed away shortly before we started talking. He wanted to be a professional musician but was burned by the industry, and by a couple loves.
We goofed around, laughed, swore, planned adventures and trips, and he showed me a beautiful song he wrote for his guitar. Both creative people, we couldn't wait to make a little movie together and see the beautiful cities of Italy together. A writer like you cannot die before seeing Rome, he told me.
He was kind and sensitive, but had abandonment issues, and was heavily against divorce, a stance he attributed to his life's history, but which I highly suspect was planted there by the cult. He smiled and told me you never realize how helpless you are until you start "walking" with the Way. He once related a story to me about how he and a priest friend in the Way got a married couple back together (husband was irresponsible), causing my friend to break down crying in joy as he drove away from their home. The couple had even left the community for a few weeks, he said in sadness. How terrible... He attributed the fact when he and the priest got lost and were therefore lucky to catch the wife when she came home for five minutes, to a miracle.
He also had a few odd beliefs, like that TV and Internet could be influenced by the Devil, that loving a romantic partner meant putting God between you and them, and that you can never love your partner 100%. He also believed he was not to decide his own life and should trust God's judgement. He wanted to start his own family someday. I suspected even then this was because of his own lack of family growing up, which is always an unhealthy reason to start your own. I figured he was just strongly religious because of his sad life, and I thought it would be wonderful to go on an NC Way hike with him he invited me. His spirituality attracted me. He was very kind, altruistic and self deprecating. Humility, I figured. I thought finding his mother or resolving family issues would tone down the over-religiosity, and I would have a great friend with a healthy spiritual outlook on life.
We wanted badly to meet, and we were starting to fall in love. I agreed with a lot of what he said about spiritual and life matters, and I loved his carefree adventurous attitude. He was worried about missing me to death, being long distance, but was very enthusiastic to see me. We planned romantic adventures and excursions, and told each other we loved each other. But one day he stopped talking. There was no explanation; he just stopped talking to me one day. He didn't sound like a player or cad, and was always open and honest, discussed anything I asked. He'd never hurt others to help himself. So what happened?
We have never even gotten to meet. I have never even touched him. Even worse, I am now under the suspicion he is in an arranged or Way-influenced marriage, which occurred less than a year after we stopped speaking, at which time he was fully single. [A YouTube user who is in the Way said it encourages marriage less than a year after dating, to avoid temptation of "sin."]
Even though he told me he was afraid to love long distance, he stopped talking about this fear after a little while and I felt there was something else I wasn't aware of that made him stop, especially in such an abrupt manner, with no explanation.
Now I know: he was afraid to love long distance because he was afraid to love someone who couldn't join the group with him. But at least he could have continued our close friendship? No. I was likely a bad influence because I disagreed with some of his religious views and wasn't part of the group. Also, I would be made an "idol", since he loved me (being in love is a big no-no, according to ex-members). I live far away and would put a strain on weekly NC meetings. The day I stopped receiving messages from him was Saturday, the day of their main weekly mass, where someone may have turned him against me. (Will someone explain to me why a Christian group has mass on Saturday and not Sunday?)
Not only did I lose a friend and chance to be with someone I loved, I also had to reschedule a (now) $6,000 trip, since he would not be there to receive me at DaVinci airport, drive me to his place, and host me. I had to stay in hotels and maneuver my way around a foreign country whose language I did not speak well and, ironically, had initially "met" my friend on a language learning site to study! Although I loved traveling alone, since I'm the type to view travel partners as a "ball and chain" on my ankle, there was acute loneliness when I went to bed at night, knowing I lost someone special, a warm voice to say goodnight to me.
I visited a new city each week- Rome, Vatican City, Pescara, Sulmona, L'Aquila, Assisi, San Marino- food, wine, music, museums, old churches, tombs, shops. But I always thought of him, and if I could meet him and find out what happened.
Before my trip, I had already decided to try to find him after having fun by myself. I didn't want to contact him online, because he would ignore me again. Why keep banging on the same door? It would be best to put him on the back burner for a few months then find him in person. It would be more earnest and more likely to reach him emotionally. And he couldn't ignore me. I looked and looked. I couldn't find him. He wasn't listed in the phone book. I couldn't find his number. (Perhaps the Way was keeping him private). We had talked by Skype, not phone, and he was going to meet me in Rome, so I didn't learn his address or number.
I never found him. But sitting on my hotel bed with my laptop, I did find two things: I found out the Way was dangerous, and I found forgiveness for my friend before I went home to be with my family for Christmas. All this time I've been afraid to email him, to push him away further, afraid if his online profile disappears I will never be able to contact him again and will lose him forever. No address, phone, or way to contact his local Neocats; they are not online. I have to help him somehow, to free him.
As you see, the Way ruins lives. It ruined my friendship, and ruined my friend's life. It ruined a possible love between us, and caused him to enter a hasty loveless Neocat "marriage" with someone he dated for less than a year, perhaps only a month!
I suspect it has done some good things in his life; however, he already sounds like he was a deep, intelligent, and spiritual person before joining. And good deeds do not erase the bad deeds. The Way has repeatedly been accused of making members drop contact with those it deems a bad influence, and is repeatedly accused of hastily marrying them off so they don't live in sin or neglect their duty to bear new members for the Way. Both these seem to be factors in my friend's story. Now I can only pray I can help him out of the false "marriage" and the cult-like practices of the Neocatechumenal Way.
Will the Way mandate my friend give up his precious guitar, because it might become an "idol"? Will it try to pump three or four children out of him, at a time in his life when he's not ready for that? Will it keep him attached to this person he probably does not love, and keep him from his real friends on the outside? Will it force him to passively wait for "signs from God" about his mother, and keep him from her until it's too late and she dies? Will it drive him to suicide after he undergoes various scrutinies and tests? If I try to contact him again will it mandate he ignore me again? Will I be able to survive that pain?
I pray to God everyday my friend exits this group and everything it forced him into, and that he can one day experience true spirituality, retaining contact with the Way if he chooses, but not its evil practices. Most of all I want the fire in his soul, the fire I fell in love with, not to die out forever.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
I expect Neocat apologists to bombard me with messages accusing me of exaggerating the Way's influence to make sense of my friend leaving me, like how ancient tribes invented stories of demons to explain weather. Or they may claim that I'm "only against the Way because" it made my friend leave me. "Only." Isn't breakup of friends/lovers good reason to oppose it? Even if it didn't make him ignore me, it didn't stop him. Don't tell me it can convince you to have 11 kids but can't make you keep contact with a loved one, or at least make you kindly explain why you are leaving.
Apologists may claim, "You say we arrange marriages since you don't like the fact he rejected you." I know what genuine love is. You discourage it between people you allow to "marry." My sweet friend told me "put God between you and partner"; he felt love for me, and thought he "sinned."
Please stop tearing my life apart. Haven't you done enough?
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *